Open up the airwaves to city councillors

Paul Ainslie is right. It’s not fair Mayor Rob Ford has a weekly radio show to take cheap shots at Ainslie and other rival councillors.

It wasn’t fair either when lefty David Miller had his hour-long CP-24 television show.

True, Rob has a perfect face for radio. So does his second banana — or is it the other way around? — and brother, Councillor Doug Ford.

But what are council’s other 43 members, chopped liver? They can hardly get an on-air word in edgewise, without shows of their own.

Oddly, none of Toronto’s 35 radio outlets seems eager to offer two rivetting hours of Pam McConnell or Raymond Cho.

So I think I’ll fire off an application to the CRTC for a new Toronto station to counter the Fords’ domination of our airwaves. We’ll call it CHUMP-FM, the Zoo.

I thought of WKRAP, but Cincinnati had something similar.

Here’s a proposed program lineup for CHUMP-FM.

Paul’s Pulpit. This is Councillor Ainslie’s big chance. He’ll broadcast live from Kennedy subway station, so we’ll have to tune out all the hisses, hoots and heckles from passing Scarberians ticked by Ainslie’s vote against the Bloor-Danforth extension.

Between catcalls from constituents, Ainslie will regale us with horror stories about the Bully Brothers and call in complaints to various agencies, such as the CRTC, the CBSC, CIBC, CNN, CAA, the city integrity office, Ask Amy, and the cheese marketing board.

Prepping for the show should not be a problem, since Ainslie “has a lot of time on his hands,” according to the mayor during the Fords’ Newstalk 1010 show on Sunday.

“Let it go,” Rob urged his testy brother, Doug. Yes, please, let’s. Back to the CHUMP-FM lineup...

Two and Half Minions, starring speaker Frances Nunziata, deputy mayor Norm Kelly and any one of the Ford kids.

Simple format. We’ll replay tape from the mayor’s show, over and over, while Nunziata and Kelly nod repeatedly, and silently.

Not great radio, perhaps, but it’s cheap, which is important since, well, frankly, advertisers are not exactly lining up.

Adam’s Rib. This will be excrucia... I mean scintillating. Councillors Adam Vaughan and Gord Perks poke, mock, and needle the Fords and conservatives in general mercilessly for two straight hours. A shrill a second. Thankfully, it’s followed by...

Home Brewing, with Glenn De Baeremaeker, Ward 38.

Stay tuned for “The Mayor — But Not Yet,” with TTC chair Karen Stintz. Then, Commie Corner, starring Councillor Paula Fletcher, former leader of the Manitoba Communist Party.

The Curious Giorgio show will air in the wee hours, since God knows what madcap Councillor Mammoliti would do with free air time.

Meanwhile, sound the rebel yell, The Outcasts is on the air, with Michelle Berardinetti, Jaye Robinson and a growing list of cohosts who’ve deserted the bridge of HMCS Ford, officially known as the executive committee. Councillor Ainslie will contribute occasionally whiny clips.

So far, CHUMP-FM is heavy on talk, so we plan to air Toronto City Limits, a musical interlude by Councillor Gary Crawford and others who bravely ventured to Austin, Texas, to check out its music scene.

A related feature, “On the Road With...” will include councillors’ commentary from some of the loveliest, warmest places on earth.

For instance, Scarborough rep Michael Thompson called the Fords’ show from Brazil on Sunday.

Thompson’s office tells me he’s on a trade mission to Rio de Janeiro with Councillor Ana Bailao. Funny, I though Carnival was in February.

Anyway, I hope the CRTC approves CHUMP-FM. It should be a fantastically exciting forum for politicians to tell us what they think.

To stay on theme, we’ve included a special interactive show called Listening to Paint Dry.
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